


My Fingers Are,.. So Sharp, W Why??

by Umbra_Writes



Category: Smile For Me (Video Game)
Genre: Blood, Character Death, Good End, Habit dies, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, but not so good, he didn't want too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2019-08-21
Packaged: 2020-09-23 00:57:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20331406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Umbra_Writes/pseuds/Umbra_Writes
Summary: Based on this tweet by Dr. Habit himself: https://twitter.com/DrHabit/status/1149110862839336960





	My Fingers Are,.. So Sharp, W Why??

**Author's Note:**

> This didn't mean to turn so sad, I was just writing...sorry

“My fingers r... so sharp, w-why??” Habit curled his fingers, feeling the tips poke into his palm. He unclenched his hands, staring sadly at his fingers. Why? Why were they so sharp? Everyone he’s seen before didn’t have sharp fingers. He set his hands down in his lap as he looked up at the ceiling, he hadn’t really registered where he was but he was sitting on the floor. Habit didn’t really remember what had lead up to this point but he had started to look at his fingers and that’s how he ended up here on the floor, being sad. Habit had never really thought about it, his fingers that is, it never occurred to him. Sure sometimes he’d notice his fingers were long and pointy but something always distracted him from thinking about it too much. Now though there was nothing to distract himself, he looked around the room, nothing caught his attention, nothing called for him to go look at it or mess with it. He looked back down at his hands, tears welled in his eyes as he started to press his hand against one of his fingers He flinched, it really, really hurt but he kept pressing, he didn’t know what he was trying to do but his eyes went wide when he saw a small drop of blood trickle down his palm. He removed his finger quickly staring at the small puncture in his palm. For some reason he hadn’t expected that, even though it was hurting and his fingers were sharp he hadn’t expected to actually make himself bleed. Habit had become numb to the pain already, not even feeling it anymore. He lifted his sleeve slightly, wondering if his fingers were sharp enough to puncture harder skin. He slowly pressed his finger tip into his arm, dragging it across the skin, cutting it open. Habit watched as the blood trickled out from the cut, he hadn’t expected it to cut so easily, let alone not hurt at all. He felt so numb but he didn’t register it. He did it again, a little further up his arm, unintentionally a little deeper this time. Habit was entranced, watching as the blood trickled down his arm.

  
  


It became a habit of Habit’s. He’d do it whenever he went numb or broke down, he really didn’t know what he was doing. Habit never cut himself too deep, a few times he did on accident and he always got scared at how much blood there was. He’d panic and struggle to stop the bleeding, cry and say he’d never do it again but then he would. He never really thought about it, it was weird, he had started to do it automatically without even thinking about it. Sometimes he’d see his arm and see more scars than he remembered making. He didn’t like the scars but he was always wearing long sleeves so he didn’t see his arms that often. He didn’t mind because he barely ever seen the scars. 

  
  


Habit couldn’t even see the first scars he made anymore, they were very faded and new ones covered those anyways. He looked out at the Habitat, that flower  _ brat  _ was making everyone happy. Habit knew it was only temporary, their happiness wouldn’t be forever. But he was worried, he had seen them talking to Kamal a few times now. What were their plans? He was also worried about all of the Habiticians leaving, if they left then he’d never be able to make anyone smile. Habit stared at Kamal, he felt his chest twist and tighten. Kamal had been his only friend in such a long time but Habit’s mind was filled with everything mean he had said to Kamal, all those awful words, the way he had laughed at him. He grabbed at his chest, taking shaky breaths before he turned away from the window. He didn’t want to look out anymore, he didn’t want to see Kamal, he didn’t want to see that  _ brat.  _ He grabbed at his sleeve, shaking as he pulled it up. 

  
  


It had almost been a year since  _ the big event.  _ Habit lived in a small apartment, alone. He went to therapy, he thought it was helping but he always felt like he was being judged for what he said, if he said the wrong thing the therapist might go off. He felt trapped by them but he had been told if he kept going it’d help. He was paying them to help, he chalked it up to him just being scared. The therapist hadn’t  _ actually  _ gone off on him, he just felt like they would. He hadn’t told them everything, he was too scared, he’d get arrested and thrown away to rot. Maybe that’s what he deserved but that isn’t what he wanted. He wanted to get better. He wanted to be able to look at everyone that had been in the Habitat and apologize. The only person he really had contact was the Flower Child, they emailed him at least once a week and Habit couldn’t be happier when he got the emails. He loved reading through them. They always told each other about their weeks, or their days, or however long it had been since they talked. Habit had gotten coffee and lunch with them a few times. They were really sweet. They also updated Habit on how everyone else was doing since the kid had stayed in touch with all of them.  _ Good for them.  _ Habit always wanted to email them but he knew most of them had changed emails and he figured none of them wanted to hear from him. Why on  _ Earth  _ would they!? He was going to take their  _ teeth!!  _ Habit sat down on the couch, he was such an awful person. How could anyone forgive him? The Flower Child had even after he took all of their teeth, Habit had paid for them to get implants or whatever they wanted. He hadn’t seen them since they got replacements.

  
  


Habit was scratching at his arm, the band-aids were itchy. He stopped when Flower Kid walked over, they set the drinks down and sat down across from Habit. “How r ur teeth?” Habit was nervous, he didn’t want to ask but that was the only thing he could think of. The kid opened their mouth, showing their pearly whites and they gave a thumbs up. Habit looked down, fidgeting with his cup. For a minute he didn’t remember the kid didn’t talk and got worried when he didn’t get a response. His eyes went wide and he lifted his head, “Oh! I am sorey! I 4got u do-not talk.” They covered their mouth, laughing before they signed.

  
  


“It’s okay! Don’t worry about it!” Habit flushed, he looked away for a moment before back at Flower Kid, he didn’t have much to talk about but he tried to make small talk. Mostly asking them how they were doing, how their days have been and things like that. He started to ask about all of the old Habiticians, Flower Kid told him everything and caught him up. Habit though hesitated to ask about Kamal. He took a shaky breath before he carefully thought out his words, “How is Kamal?” The kid tilted their head to the side, thinking. “He’s doing good! He’s a dental assistant at the local dentist, he only has a few more months before he can become a full dentist.” Habit’s eyes went wide and he leaned on the table, “Relly?” Flower Kid smiled and nodded, “Yeah! He said it’s been really good over there, lots of nice people.” Habit slowly sat back down, “Oh.” he whispered, “O-Oh! I mean that is gr8!!” He gave a small smile and he tried to ignore their frown. They were obviously going to ask him more but Habit stood up suddenly, “Oh! It is late! I bet-er be getting along now!” He smiled, “Thank u 4 this! It was a lot of fun :-).” He left quickly without another word. His chest was hurting, he felt awful. How come he was so sad hearing that? He should be happy for Kamal. Once he was far away enough Habit stopped walking, he shut his eyes tightly. “May-b I should leave town…” he spoke quietly to himself, “no-1 wants me here, all I am is 1 big bad mem-ory.” he covered his mouth, trying not to make any sounds as he headed home. “1 big bad mem-ory 2 my-self 2.” he mumbled. 

  
  


Habit was sitting at the computer, scratching at his band-aids as he was looking for houses in other towns, places that were close to this one so the taxi ride wasn’t too expensive. If he left then maybe all of the old Habiticians would be happier, knowing he wasn’t here. Of course the Flower Child said that they were all doing good but Habit felt like they were just saying that to make him feel better. If he moved away then hopefully they’d forget about him, be happier. But what if he moved and he made people there sad? What if he did something bad again? He stopped scrolling, what  _ if  _ he did something bad again? His fingers curled into his arm, piercing the skin, he didn’t even realize. If he did something bad again would there be someone to stop him? Would there be someone to help him, stop him, make sure he didn’t do it again? He grabbed at his face, suddenly, digging his fingers into his skin as he leaned over. He was shaking, tears in his eyes. He was a  _ monster.  _

  
  


The sky was clear, not a single cloud in the sky. Habit stared up at it, he was leaning on the railing. This place was going to be torn down soon, he had made sure of that. He moved away from the railing, heading to his office. He had never wanted to come back here but here he was. He stood in the elevator, taking deep breaths as the elevator went up to the top floor. Once the doors opened he walked inside. So many bad? They were memories anyways. He looked around, he remembered decorating this place, showing Kamal around, asking his advice, getting his help on writing emails. He took a deep breath walking up to the window. He stared out at the Habitat, he remembered so many days just staring out at the place, watching everyone. He looked down at Martha, poor Martha, what he did, used her for. “I am so sorey.” He knew she was just a machine, he built her! But even so he had to apologize, he built her for something so terrible. That’s not what she deserved. It’s not what anyone deserved. He set a hand on the window and maybe he leaned a little too hard, or maybe the glass was just really weak but it shattered. Habit stumbled, just barely catching himself with the window sill. He stared down at Martha with wide eyes, he stepped back, tripping over himself. He grabbed at the ground as hung out the window. His eyes were wide, glass digging into his hands as he tried to clamber back up into the office. This isn’t what he wanted! This isn’t how it was supposed to end! His fingers dug into the flooring, barely holding himself there as he tried to find footing. He found something, trying to climb up before he slipped again, he clutched at the very edge, looking down at Martha. He wasn’t getting out of this. There was no way he’d be able to climb back up. Tears welled in his eyes, he shut his eyes, letting go of the ledge. 

  
  


_ “Dr. Boris Habit has been found dead. The 38 year old was found at the recently closed Habitat. The police have not released any more information at this time.” _

**Author's Note:**

> Here's a thank you drawing I did: https://imgur.com/a/fmJsdqM
> 
> To thank everyone for reading!! I'll be posting it on a couple stories in the future!
> 
> I also wanted to say if you guys wanna follow my instagram I've been posting daily Smile For Me art that I've drawn, I don't just post Smile For Me and I definitely don't upload daily all of the time but for now it's been pretty good!! It's @ArmoredSpeedpaints
> 
> I'm sorry that this was so...sad? And probably poorly written, this wasn't even a vent story or anything.


End file.
